I was over at a "munch" (a Brit term for an informal talk) at Deitide today on BDSM lifestyes with Lex.  It was pretty interesting overall; there was some good discussion on the nature of the d/s relationship, how it is both similar and different from "vanilla" relationship, and what kind of expectations come out of it.

After a while though, the talk turned from d/s to a person's FL characteristics and how important it is for that person to "disclose" this info to others.  As you might expect, the main characteristic in question was atomic gender.   One fellow in particular was very adamant that the person he is either with or potentially with (meaning, I imagine, any female avatar) needs to be "honest" about their FL gender.  A female avi also agreed, and the others that I saw were on a continuum from not caring to thinking it's somewhat important.

I have yet to understand why this is so critical.  My best guess is that mostly FL males (and perhaps some FL women) would feel like if they were being SL intimate with a person who is the same sex at the keyboard, this activity would make them "gay".  Therefore, they have to know the person's FL gender they are with so as to avoid this "gay" self-construction that might plague them.

All this was couched around "trust" -- if a person is not being truthful about their gender, how could you trust them in any other way?  But what does the person's FL gender -- or anything else about that person -- have to do with how he or she treats another in SL, or trust in general in SL?  I don't care if a person I'm a friend with in SL is male, female, gay, straight, bi, good looking, ugly, rich, poor, or anything else in the atomic world.  All that matters is how that person treats me in SL, and how I treat that person back.  If we go into business together in SL, or go into a monogamous relationship in SL, or agree to do X or Y, all I ask is that person keeps their word to me.   I will reciprocate that to the best of my ability.

I don't ask for any FL info about people, and just take people as they present themselves.  If they say something to me about their FL, I just assume it's true unless I have reasons to believe otherwise, and I generally don't.  And I don't give anyone RL info unless I'm close to them, in which case I'll share some of my FL info.  But in general, that's needless.

SL would be so much better if we all agreed that WYSIWYG.  I'd imagine the best thing for people who are so scared that they might be with the same sex, or have other FL/SL hangups, is just don't get involved with anyone intimately here, since there is no way to 100% guarantee that the person you are with is the opposite sex in the atomic world.

And if that doesn't work, there's always the "logout" button, n'est-ce-pas?

-- Vanni